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Understanding Family Business

Family Business... Business Family

The Postparenting Coach

Dr. Jane Adams is our Family Business Divorce expert. Dr. Adams is a social psychologist, author of best selling books and a sought after speaker. She has appeared on many of the top TV news and talk shows, including the Oprah Winfrey Show.

There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays...

While holidays offer a special opportunity to draw grown kids and their families back to the heart of shared traditions, they can also be emotionally charged occasions. Young adults come home because they want and need to stay connected to us, but often tension and conflict destroy that loving feeling. Before you buy the turkey or the brisket, ask yourself these questions:

• Does your invitation conflict with their obligations to their in-laws or interfere with traditions they want to establish in their own homes?
• Do you think of family holidays as a chance to resolve misunderstandings, discuss what they're doing wrong in the family business, or deal with conflicts with your adult kids?
• Do you refuse their offers to help, insist on doing things the way you always have, or treat them the way you did when they were children?

Q.My kids hate going to their grandparents? house for holiday dinners because my father goes on and on about taking them into the family business when they finish college. Neither of them has expressed any interest in doing this but he keeps nagging them. How can I get him to lighten up?

A.Enlist your mother in the campaign to get your dad to back off. Rehearse with your kids so they have some rejoinders? polite ones, like I'm really not sure what I want to do yet, but I appreciate the opportunity, and variations of that, or even non sequiturs like "Do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb, Gramps?" which is your cue to back them up by changing the subject.

Q. My kids keep making excuses about why they can't come for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner - it's too far, they can't get away, they promised the in-laws first. What's really going on?

A. If it's really too far or they're too busy, offer to meet them halfway and establish new ways to celebrate together. Or suggest an alternative - Christmas dinner with you on Twelfth Night, Thanksgiving on Saturday instead of Thursday, or an invitation to their in-laws to incorporate their family traditions into your celebration.

Q. Every time our kids and their families are together, there's an explosion! They fight with each other, they fight with us, and everyone ends up with heartburn. What can we do to make it the happy occasion we want it to be?

A. If every holiday ends in disaster, maybe you're seizing this opportunity to get to the bottom of sensitive or troubling issuers, or ambushing your kids by bringing those problems up on what should be a festive or sacred occasion. Don't just sweep those problems under the rug, but make private time with your kids before or after the holidays to discuss what's going on.

Q. My grown kids don't get along - never have and never will, despite my efforts. Holidays at our house are tense and angry. Should we make them park their animosities at the door or cancel our celebration?

A.Being under the same roof may just set their tempers on edge, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. Instead of sticking with your traditional celebration, plan separate occasions with each of your kids - perhaps Christmas Eve with one set, Christmas Day with another.

Reminders...

Harold Copus, our Director of Corporate Security, shares another story that also illustrates why a corporate policy and procedure manual with procurement policy section helps prevent fraud and improve profits.

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